Well crap (sort of), I fell for a swinger

Even for those of you that are still around (why would you be, it has been years) this may not ring any bells. Hell I even had to go back and re-read the original post just to make sure that it said what I thought it did. So in the efforts of full disclosure…

https://lostinnevada.wordpress.com/2011/10/10/im-falling-for-a-swinger/

As poorly written as that is (wow!) that is a true story.  Well…mostly true, because at the time, I had eluded to it, but denied it. I was falling Christy. Not sure if I truly understood it then, but looking back on it now…funny how that hindsight thing works. Funny how things work out as well…

A lot of fast-forwarding here, 4 years worth as it would seem, things have changed.  I no longer have a fellow wanderer (we’ll get there) and Bill is no longer around either. I was right when I posted that Christy and I were fast becoming friends. Over the last 4 years her and I have become close.  Really close. I can honestly say that she is my best friend.  There is nothing that I wont tell her or do for her and the same is true on her part.  We have helped each other in ways that words cannot describe.

There is a lot that I want, and and need to say about Christy, but that is a post for another time. She has just been on my mind tonight which is why I chose this topic for my (triumphant?) return to this blog. I have fallen in love her, and even though both her and I are very much still in the lifestyle, when she told me tonight that she was going to play… Well lets just say I was overcome with jealousy, and as I am sure that her and Dennis are naked right now, this is going to be a sleepless night.

So my friends, that is that. I fell in love with a swinger. Look for more to come as I am truly back, there are more stories to tell, those that have been written and those whose words have not yet come. I’m going to finish off this second bottle wine and get lost, again…

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Long lost blogger

Over the last year or so I truly have been lost in Nevada. Good thing there is all this empty space, you can get lost for days, months, a lifetime; not only physically, but mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.  You name it and I have been there over the last 12 months.

Those stories are all to come, I promise you that.  For now though, just know I am back.  I am back with words that need to be written, pictures that need to be drawn, tales to be told, and wounds to heal.

Enjoy the new look and very soon, the first of many many ramblings…

Let it go?

What if I am standing frozen in the life I have chosen?

Could I just slam the door behind me?  Slam the door on everything that I know? Leave it all behind?

What if I could be so much more?  What if I could do so much more?

I really do want to let it go.  Let go of all the fears that have been holding me back.  Just let go of all the things that people want me to be.  Let go.

Knowing what I would leave behind.  Knowing that I would hurt people.  Knowing that I would finally admit to living a lie.  Knowing that I would hurt, but in the end be happy.  Be happy that I am finally free.

I could, but it would cost me everything.  It would cost me everything to become the person that I really am.

Let go and become myself. The real me.

Yes I know that this is cliche, but this spoke to me more than anything has in a very long time.  I don’t care what anyone thinks.  This means a lot to me.  If you don’t like, if you think its childish, if you think its stupid…Fuck you, fuck you.

Maybe I am starting to let go. The cold has never bothered me anyway.

I want to tell her…

FUCK!  Yep, FUCK!!!  I really want to tell her and I cant.  I almost did tonight and I played it off as a typo.  I have wanted to tell her for quite some time now, and every time I get close to doing so, something happens.  Something changes in both of our lives.  Some good.  Some bad.  Either way, FUCK!

This woman is amazing.  Simply amazing, she just doesn’t realize it.  There was someone in her life getting her close, almost there, and now that person is gone.  It wasn’t her fault that he left, but he did, and it left a huge hole in her.  She is having so much trouble filling that hole and realizing that she is the person that I know she is.

As I said, I have wanted to tell her.  I have wanted to help her.  I have wanted so many things.  The lifestyle that I lead gives me leeway for so many things, but because of my faults, and my fears I am not able to do so.  I was texting with her tonight.  I wanted to tell her.  I need to tell her.  I cant though.  I play the scenes in my head and they are always a tragedy.  In my head they are; in reality, I don’t know.

I see the way it plays out, it ends badly, but that is that the way I expect it to?  I know it will.  But will it?  I am scared to see if I wrong.  If I’m wrong I am wasting an opportunity, I am throwing away what I want and need.  If the I feel is right, I destroy what we have.  I am scared.  So very scared, and that fear, it keeps me from what I want.

So I will say it here, I doubt it will help, but the world will see it.  Everyone but her will know…

Kelsey, I want you.  I want all of you.  I have since the very first moment that I saw you.  I want to feel your skin.  I want to smell you.  I want you under me, on me, all over me.  I want your clit on my tongue.  I want to make you cum.  I want hear you.  The sound you make, the way you breathe, I want to be in you.  I want to look into your face when you feel me.  I want to look into your eyes and see the pleasure that you, that both of us need.  I want you to see me when I cant handle anymore and I come into you.  I want to collapse in your embrace and hold you when we are done.  I want all of this and more, so much more.  I want all of you.  Everything.

My dear, my wonderful, beautiful Kelsey.  You may never see this.  I will never, I cant ever tell you.  Even though, now the world knows.  I wish you did.

And there it is; what I want to her, but cant.

Simply too much…

There is so much that I want to write down right now.  Way too much.

I have tried this moonlit night to do so, and every time I try it doesn’t come out right.

It is all jumbled.  I continuous string of raw emotion.

It doesn’t make sense to me, how could it make sense to you.

Life. Death. Fear. Anger. Sex. Intimacy. Hate. Friendship. Inadequacy. Failure. Love.

Just too much.  I wanted to write it all down so that I may sleep, so that I it wont be in my head.  I tried, but there is just too much.

I hope I can do it soon.

Photo Friday – 11/30/12

I think the funnest thing about doing these posts is the amount of great photos that I look out while trying to select one.  It is also the hardest thing about these posts.  So when something like what happened today occurs, it makes me smile.

I had looked at close to 150 photos when I saw this one, I immediately knew it was the one for this week.  I just cant stop looking at it.  Wondering who she is, where she is going, where she was, or what she is thinking.  This is a photo that you can get lost in.  I hope you get as lost as I did.

Follow Me! - Andrzej Kuchno

Follow Me! – Andrzej Kuchno

Please remember to support the artist and check out the rest of their work here.

Thursday’s random thoughts, Vol 15

Not a whole lot of intro for today, just feel like jumping into it.  Enjoy the randomness and try not to get lost!

∞ I was looking at the ever growing list of books that I want to read.  When I hear about a book that sounds interesting I put it in my phone so I can remember it later.  The problem is, if I start reading now, I should be done around this time in 2014.  Of course by then the list will be just as long again.  Yep, first world problem.

∞ So the wife and I were on a streak.  We decided to see how many consecutive days we could have sex.  We called it the streak.  We made it to day 9.  There would have been a day 10, but both of us were too tired to even contemplate sex.  Lets hope it doesn’t take too long to start over with day 1.

∞ There is this guy that was hired at work.  He is a freaking moron.  Nobody here likes the guy and for the most part we just tolerate him.  The thing is the boss thinks he walks on water.  I am pretty sure the guy has some sort of dirt on the boss, either that or there are sexual favors involved.  Hell if sexual favors are all I need to do, I’d survive through a few Lumberg moments.

∞ Was really hoping to go out and have fun this weekend, doesn’t look like that is going to happen.

∞ I have decided that I really need to get better at learning to let things go.  I hold on to shit for far to long.  No matter what it is.  I think I would be happier and healthier if I can figure out how to do this.

∞ Saw a girl at work today.  Tiny thing, small petite body, perfect A cup tits.  Just nice to look at.  Her clothing made her far nicer to look at.  She was wearing a shear black shirt, a black strapless bra, semi-opaque black tights, and a black thong.  I just wanted to follow her for hours.  Figured that may seem a little creepy though.

∞ Put up the Christmas decorations or don’t put up the decorations, that is the question.

∞ Went for a ride the other night, not long, 30 minutes, a few miles, it was nice.  I miss riding.  It is apparent though that I need earmuffs, it was a little cold.  Oh and the wife tends to panic when I ride in the dark and she hears sirens 25 minutes after I leave.  Huh, I wonder why?

∞ I need to get over my small penis issues (one of the reasons day 9 didn’t happen, at least in my head).  I think it is more of a complex actually.  It is perpetuated by swinging.  See all of the other guys we have encountered in the lifestyle are bigger than me.  It kind of bugs me.  I need to get over it though because if I continue to have issues with her fucking bigger dicks, I am forever going to have have issues with her fucking bigger dicks.  I know all of the statistics, but when you fall below average… I also know that this is such a cliche and that I shouldn’t let it bother me, but it does bother me.  Ugh.

∞ Been texting with a guy a lot lately.  Damn this man turns me on.  I so want to do all of the things that we have been talking about doing.  We’ve been talking about doing them for almost a year now.  Lets hope the next time we get together I don’t chicken out, again.

Well that’s for the day.  Hope I can get in some writing this weekend, if not, well I don’t!  Hope you all have good Thursdays.

Not what we had planned

Before I go into the rest of the August story I thought that I would write a bit about our adventure this past Saturday.  The wife and I had both been wanting to get out and have some fun for a while.  There is this other couple that we talk to on occasion and he had asked if we might be available Saturday to come over.  We said that we would love to if we could find a sitter.  We called all of the people that we usually ask and all of them were busy.  Things were looking pretty bleak, so when my daughter and her friend came to ask if she could sleep over at her house I didn’t even hesitate saying yes.  Finding a place for one kid is a lot easier than finding a place two!

With both the kids off at their friends Jules and I got ready to go out.  She sent a text to guy that had asked and he said he would talk with his wife and let us know.  Well it turns out that they were not able to host or go out, not sure what changed, but I am guessing it has something to do with him springing it on his wife and she declined.  No worries, we love going to the swing club and since they were open we decided to head there.

Since it was still pretty early at this point Jules and I decided that we would stop by our favorite bar and have a few beers and get some dinner.  Interesting side story here.  Remember Isabelle?  Well she had sent Jules a message earlier in the week that she had a lot of questions.  Well on the drive in she finally texted Jules and started to ask them.  Needless to say this really got my wife’s juices flowing.  They texted the rest of the drive and for most of the time that we were at the bar.  By the time that we were headed to the club Jules was ready to go.

When we got there we noticed that there were quite a few people, we were excited about this as this was one of only two times that we were not meeting anyone there.  We got in and I made us a few drinks and it wasn’t long before we were talking to a single guy that had been wandering around.  He was nice enough and after he excused himself Jules and I sat down and started to talk.

This turned out to be a pretty low part of the evening.  She had made a comment to me asking me what I thought about him.  I told her that it was a little awkward.  While we were talking to him he had asked us if we knew someone from where we live and we found out that he was pretty good friends with one of our sons previous teachers.  I just found it odd and kind of strange.  When I mentioned this to Jules she took it the wrong way and told me that I always found something wrong with our potential playmates, especially the guys.  This of course started a bit of an argument, we eventually worked it out, but it still hung over us and definitely started the evening off on the wrong foot.  I may write more about this later, I haven’t decided yet.

With that bit of drama out of the way (funny, we had always seen ourselves as pretty drama free), we headed back downstairs and started to chat with a few other couples.  They were all just being friendly and none of them really seemed interested.  While we were talking the single guy came back around and we started talking to him again.  Soon enough the three of us were on our way to find an open room.

This was in no way what I had planned for the night.  I was really hoping that we would be able to find another couple.  It wasn’t really a big deal though as Jules and I had been talking about finding another guy to be the third for quite a while.  We had never had a MFM so it was pretty exciting to finally be able to check this one off the list.

The play was fun.  It wasn’t great, but it was good enough that we both had a pretty good time.  It was such a huge turn on for me to be able to fuck Jules while her mouth was full of his cock.  Her muffled moans and her being so wet was great.  It was even more of a turn on when she climbed on top of him and they started to fuck.  I loved just sitting back and watching them.  The crappy thing is that after she turned her attention back to me Jeff went soft and could not get hard again.  Even though, we played a little longer and then got dressed and said our goodbyes.

Jules and I finished the night out with a relaxing swim in the hot tub and then made the long trip home.  Finally fell into bed about 4:15 Sunday morning exhausted from a fun Saturday night.